u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
