Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
So vagazzling was a success
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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