TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
