yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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