I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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