Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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