I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
