I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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