You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
