my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
