Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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