And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
At least life still wants to fuck me.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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