Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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