So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
