So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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