We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
