cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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