i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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