Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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