The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
