from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
As shirtless as possible
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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