OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
