Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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