oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
