her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Barsexuality is the new black.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
