thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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