You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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