Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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