I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
