spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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