Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
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