Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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