SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I will be naked everywhere
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
