I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
