But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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