So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
