That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
