singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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