he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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