I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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