Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
