Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Randomize
