Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
