All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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