Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
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