sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
