I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Randomize
