why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
