I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
