i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
