I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
