His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
