I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
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